What the Hell?
by ThePQ4
Summary: Heheheh...Harry/No one. Ron/The new girl Hermione/Snape....Yes not only am I bored, but I am EVIL!!! Prev. called "HP fic I wrote when I was bored"...changed now.
1. Chapter One/Two: Extreame Boredom!

A/N: As I sit here, waiting for Morpheus to download my new songs (gothic rock rules) I've decided to write a little fic while I wait…So, if this seems at ALL demented, it's because I'm bored, and have no idea WHAT I am doing!  
  
So, I do not own Harry Potter, or His fellow friends, and collogues, but the great J.K. Rowling does have that privilege. Flame if you like, because I am not THINKING as I write this…I am simply writing…I don't care about plot lines, correct usage of nouns, and lay out and that CRAP they give you in English class…this is natural…yes I do, do this when I write..  
  
  
  
Chapter One.  
  
Severus Snape sat in his office, utterly bored, listening to students, and Peeves race along the corridors.  
  
They should be in BED! Sleeping! Or something! He cursed their laughter. They should all be punished! Detention for a week! House points taken away! He shivered as the sound of a suit of armor rang down the steps.  
  
…Erm…REJECT.  
  
(Yes, I do, do that)  
  
Chapter One.  
  
Remus Lupin (oh, must we)  
  
Chapter One.  
  
Harry Potter sat in the Great Hall one morning, looking not so happily at his oatmeal, and toast. Beside him, Ron Weasley was elbowing him in the side.  
  
"Harry! Harry look at the girl at the Slytherin table!" Ron's voice was getting annoying.  
  
"What now?" Harry looked up, as his spoonful of oatmeal plopped back into the bowl, "Whoa…"  
  
"Whoa is right!" Ron sighed, leaning on one elbow, "She's beautiful!"  
  
"Who is she?" Harry half turned, one eye on Ron, the other on the pretty new Slytherin girl.  
  
"I don't know…want me to find out?"  
  
"Oh dear." Hermione Granger sighed, looking at the two boys, "She's been here a week! She's in our potions class! You've just noticed her NOW?!"  
  
"SCORE!" Ron and Harry high fived each other.  
  
"You two are so pathetic!" Hermione shook her head, "Her name is Lara, and she's a SLYTHERIN, YOU FOOLS!" Everyone at the table, and in the room turned to look at her, and she shrunk down in her chair, and whispered, "She's also Snape's neice."  
  
"HOLY HOGWARTS!" The two boys yelled.  
  
"Holy Hogwarts?" Dumbledore heard him, "I think that's a bit extreme Mr. Potter. Mr. Weasley."  
  
Harry waved him away, and whispered to Hermione, "She's related to Snape?!"  
  
"Yes, she's related to Snape." Hermione rolled her eyes, "Do you have a problem with that?"  
  
"Yes I have a problem with that! I'd bloody well like to Snog with her, but I can't if she's got a bloody uncle him breathing down our necks!"  
  
"I don't think you'll be snogging with her anytime soon." Hermione glared at him.  
  
"Why not?" Ron asked.  
  
"She's got a boyfriend…At Durmstrang. You make one move at her, he will hunt you down, and kill you like…THAT!" She slammed her fist down on the table, and the two boys jumped back.  
  
"Good Gryffindor!" Harry sighed.  
  
"Your such a Hufflepuff, no offence to the Hufflepuffs, Hermione." Ron sighed as well.  
  
Hermione shifted in her seat, and tossed her hair over her shoulder, "We'll see. Time will tell."  
  
As the day dragged on, Ron and Harry realized they had more classes then just Potions with the lovely Lara Snape, but also D.A.D.A (taught by none other then Fleur), Divination, and Care of Magical Creatures! They should have known better.  
  
Lara teasingly, having heard their conversation earlier that morning, hung close to them all morning, flirting with them, when Draco wasn't watching, and hitting them lightly, laughing with them. Harry and Ron whispered "Score" to each other every now and then.  
  
Later, at dinner, as the Great Hall had begun to clear, Snape sat down next to his beloved niece (he-he-he-he) and put a thin arm around her shoulder.  
  
"I hear you've been making friends with Potter, Lara." He did not look kindly down at her.  
  
She looked up at him with blank, doe eyes, "What Uncle Severus?"  
  
"You know what I'm talking about…flirting with him in MY class…do you think me blind?"  
  
"No, Uncle." She looked down at her hands, "I suppose your not."  
  
"No, I'm not." His voice softened, as he leaned down whispering in her ear, "If you want my real opinion, I'd go for the Weasley…Potter's a great pain…but Weasley is at least a little less annoying."  
  
Lara looked up at him, "Thanks Uncle Severus."  
  
He gave her a slight smile, "Your welcome."  
  
Across, at the next table, Harry and Ron where telling Hermione about the great day they'd had.  
  
"And then she touched my shoulder! I mean can you BELIEVE that?!" Ron was hysterical, "I will NEVER wash this robe, EVER again!" he was ecstatic as well.  
  
"Ron, don't you-"  
  
"And then!" Harry butted in, "She touched not my clothes, by my FACE! Can you believe that?! She ran her fingers across my face!"  
  
"Oh, I am so jealous!" Ron shook his head, "That is so cruel!"  
  
"Boys! Boys!" Hermione stopped them before they could say anything else.  
  
"Yes, Hermione?" They looked at her, with wide eyes.  
  
"Stop this!" She sighed, "Your driving me insane!"  
  
"But she TOUCHED us! Isn't that great?!" Ron asked.  
  
Hermione sighed, pushing her plate away, "I'm going to the library if you don't mind…"  
  
Harry and Ron followed her with their eyes, as she got up from the table, and walked away, whipping tears from her eyes.  
  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Hermione sat in the back corner of the Restricted Section, the librarian having trusted her enough to let her back there without a pass, as long as she okayed the book with her before she checked it out.  
  
She sighed, the book in front of her, one filled with old Vampire Chronicles, or something like that. It was a bit odd to be exact.  
  
She didn't react as someone slid past a shelf behind her, and there was s slight poof sound, as someone sat next to her.  
  
"Miss Granger." She looked to into the eyes of her Potions Master (he-he- he).  
  
"Pro-Professor Snape?" She rubbed her earlobe, nervous, "Wha-what brings you to the…ah…library?"  
  
"You, Miss Granger." He folded his hands on the table, and stared at her intently.  
  
As Hermione's eye's widened, she noted how cute he was (get my whole he-he- he thing now?), and how blue his eyes where, and not as black as she'd once thought. His skin was pale, yes, but he was cute none the less. Even hot perhaps, without two t's…well maybe with two t's.  
  
"Me, Pro-Professor?" She blinked rapidly at him, for a moment, before tilting her head to once side.  
  
"Yes, you, Miss Granger." He gave her a slight smile, like he'd give his niece earlier.  
  
"Wh-what about me?"  
  
"I'd like to talk to you." He looked down at his hands, "As I think you've noticed-"  
  
"Your cute." She spoke suddenly, and then looked astonished, "Oh dear! I'm so sorry! Um…I-I think I better go!"  
  
She hurriedly stood, closing the book, leaving it on the table, as she raced away.  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair, crossing his legs, thinking, so she thinks I'm cute, huh?  
  
He smiled broadly, picking up the book, glancing at the cover, before replacing it on one of the bookshelves, before going off in search of his Miss Granger.  
  
  
  
Hermione took a deep breath, leaning against the back of the entrance to the girl's dormitory. She closed her eyes, before opening them, and falling down onto her bed.  
  
"Stupid girl!" She cursed herself, "Telling Severus Snape he's cute! What were you thinking?!" She half tried to suffocate herself with her pillow.  
  
"Hermione?" A voice came from behind her, "Are you trying to kill yourself?" She felt the pillow being yanked from her face, and she stared into the eyes of Parvati.  
  
"No…" She sighed.  
  
"What was that you where just saying?" She was being nosey, and knew it, "Something about Professor Snape?"  
  
"Oh, nothing!" Hermione shook her head hurriedly, "Nothing at all!"  
  
Parvati looked at her strangely, then shrugged, letting it drop.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Lara Snape sat in her own dormitory, a muggle disc-man in her lap, Bee gee's Melody by NSYNC, Lance Bass's five second solo playing over and over, "How deep is your love? How deep is your love-How Deep is your love? How Deep is your-"  
  
"Lara!" Millicent yanked the headphones off her head, "Shut up!"  
  
Lara tilted her head, staring that the larger girl, "Back off, over weight Barbie!"  
  
Millicent's eyes narrowed, "Oh don't mess with this, girl!" She motioned towards herself as she said 'this'.  
  
"What? A lot of blubber?" Lara tested her, standing, setting her Disc-man aside.  
  
"Girls! Girls!" One of the others stood between them, "Stop! Lara, please refrain from singing, and Millicent, don't fight."  
  
Both of the girls shoved to the Peace Maker away, into one of the other bedposts, and then turned on each other…  
  
  
  
"At least you came out on the best side?" Severus sat in his office, his niece holding a large bag of ice against her cheek, as she glared up at him, "Millicent is still in the hospital wing."  
  
"Bite me." She whispered.  
  
"Mm, I'll pass on that one." He looked down, "Are you going to be alright in here?" He motioned around his office, a small cot set up in one corner, the other girls having kicked her out of the dorm.  
  
"Fine Uncle Severus." Lara sighed, looking away, "Perfectly Fine." 


	2. Chapter Three You thought I was bored at...

Chapter Three  
  
The next morning, as Lara sat down next to Malfoy, who slipped an arm around her waist, she was feeling a bit under the weather. Her face was badly bruised, but no worse then Millicent's, who was still in the hospital wing. Lara smiled to herself. Yes, she knew how to handle herself in a predicament like that. "Cat fights" as they where called sometimes, had always been her specialty.  
  
Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley chattering madly to that bushy haired girl again that morning, she noted, smiling to herself. She could tell they where talking about her, by how frequently her name was spoken, and loudly at that too! She turned to Malfoy next to her, pinching his wrist between her fingers, "Kindly remove your hands from my ass, if you please?" She set his hand his lap, "Thank you."  
  
Malfoy's eyes widened slightly, as she stood, and walked over to the Gryffindor table, kneeling down between Ron, and Harry.  
  
"Hello boys." Harry turned to see Lara kneeling behind him.  
  
"Um…Hi." Harry shrugged.  
  
Lara smiled slightly at him, before waving him away, and turning towards Ron, who promptly gave a gulp, as her gaze engulfed him, "Hello Mr. Weasley."  
  
"Um…Hi…Lara." Ron's eyes widened.  
  
"Score!" Harry whispered.  
  
Lara ignored him, rolling her eyes, "Ron, is that right?, I was wondering if, when we go to Hogsmead next weekend if you'd like to…ah…show me around a little? I lived in the U.S. I don't know my way around really yet…"  
  
Harry's mouth dropped open, and Ron's eyes widened.  
  
"Ah…sure!" Ron nodded, then whispered, "Are you crazy?"  
  
"Why do you ask?" Lara asked, shrugging, "I just figured, because you're so… nice you'd like to show the new girl around the town." She shrugged, "If you don't want to, I'm sure-"  
  
"No!" Ron stopped her, "I'd love to show you around!"  
  
"Okay. It's a date then." She stood, smiling, and walking back to the Slytherin table, sitting back down next to Malfoy, smirking at him.  
  
Malfoy glared at her, "If you wanted someone to show you around, you know I would have."  
  
"I know." She smirked, "But, if you don't mind, I think a prefer Mr. Weasley over there."  
  
Malfoy's gaze could have melted a steel post, as he glared at her smirking face, before Snape stepped between them.  
  
"Good morning, Lara…Mr. Malfoy. Trust you've had a good morning so far." He leaned back on his heels, rocking back and forth has he had developed the habit of doing lately, "If you don't mind, my niece and I have to have a little chat."  
  
Lara sighed, standing, "What now?"  
  
"The girls have agreed to let you back into the dorm…on one condition."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"No disc-man. Which means, hand it over to me during your potions class."  
  
"Yes Uncle Severus." She sighed.  
  
  
  
_____  
  
It was the middle of potions class that Hermione made eye contact with Snape. It was only for a split second, but it was still eye contact. She'd felt his gaze MELTING through out her body. She'd looked up to see him, just as next to her, Neville's cauldron melted for what seemed the 50th time that week.  
  
"Mr. Longbottom!" Snape's voice loud, as he reprimanded the poor creature, "That is how many cauldrons now? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? I've lost count! What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
"I-I'm sorry Professor." Neville looked down at his melted cauldron, which was hissing madly, "I-I-"  
  
"SILENCE!" Snape roared, and Hermione slammed her stir stick down.  
  
"Excuse me Professor." She spoke loudly, standing up straight, "But it is not completely Neville's fault you know!"  
  
"Excuse me, Miss Granger…would you like to speak?" Snape was utterly sarcastic.  
  
"For once, why don't you just put the blame on yourself? Have you ever begun to think that maybe it's not NEVILLE whose causing himself to melt all of his cauldrons? Maybe it's your TEACHING?"  
  
"Do you see anyone else melting cauldron's, Miss Granger." His voice ripped through her like a blowtorch.  
  
Hermione looked down, now silent. It was true, he had a right to be annoyed with her and no, no one else had melted a cauldron. But that wasn't Neville's fault he didn't understand it very well! If Snape explained things to Neville personally, and helped him with the potions instead of-  
  
"Miss Granger! The hallway, now!" Snape's voice brought her back to reality.  
  
She sighed, pulling her robes closer to her, as she got out from behind her stool, and followed Snape out into the hallway.  
  
Snape looked down at the poor creature in front of himself. She really was quite pretty actually. Maybe a little trim, and some of that stuff they sold in Hogsmead that she'd used at the Yule Ball a year ago…but other then that…  
  
"You wanted to tell me something Professor?"  
  
"You have no authority to speak out of turn, or raise your voice to me. This is completely unlike you, Hermione." His voice was gentler now, and not rough, and commanding like usual.  
  
"I'm sorry." She sighed, looked away, down the hall.  
  
"I expect it will never happen again, Hermione." Snape's voice was over taking her mind, and she found herself day dreaming about what it would be like to kiss him.  
  
"Yes, Professor." She whispered, "Whatever you say."  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Ron was physically flirting with Lara, who had the cauldron next to him, Snape having put Harry half way across  
  
the room, next to one of the Slytherin girls. He was playfully shoving her with his hip every so often, when she flipped his hair  
  
with her stir stick, and tugging on each other's clothes. When Snape and Hermione left the room, their antic's carried on more heavily. Harry glared at Ron's back, and continued to work, his potion almost done.  
  
After awhile, and it seemed a very long time since Snape, and Hermione had left, Harry looked over towards the doorway, and out the window, his eyes widening slightly. (A/N: That's a door window…ya know? Don't ask)  
  
Pushed against the door of the window was Hermione, Snape leaned over her, extremely close…but he didn't hear any voices yelling, so… The thought struck him like a freight train. Hermione and Snape where…SNOGGING?!  
  
"Ron!" Harry whispered, loudly, "Ron!"  
  
"What?!" Ron turned, to look at him, but as his gaze shifted past the door, he stopped, and clamped his hand over his mouth, his eyes widening. Lara also looked over, her own eyes getting quite large.  
  
"Uncle Severus?" She whispered, "And that…girl?"  
  
Ron's eyes just widened.  
  
Suddenly, the image now burned into their minds, broke, and Snape stepped back, pressing his lips together, and turned, walking down the hallway, towards his office, not bothering to come back to class. 


	3. Chapter Four: Erm...Snape and Herm?

A/N: I notice I haven't gotten any reviews…would anyone like to explain? I mean I'd even take a flame or two! Seriously! Are you guys all like, "What the fuck is she on?" or are you laughing your asses off? C'mon! I wanna know!  
  
  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Harry, and Ron both turned away, as Hermione opened the door after a moment.  
  
"Well." She said, breezily, "What's everyone problem?" She stepped back into her place next to Neville, who had by now cleaned up his cauldron, and had his head down on the desk.  
  
Lara pushed past Ron, and stood next to Hermione, staring down at her.  
  
"What's your problem?" Hermione stared at up at her, from her stool.  
  
"What do you think you were doing with my uncle?" Lara asked, her eye's not as wide as Ron's where, as he was now making weird sounds trying not to say anything.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked, "I-I didn't do anything-"  
  
"What do you call THAT?!" Lara pointed towards the door, "You where snogging with him!"  
  
"Sn-Snog is such a strong word…" Hermione looked down at her hands, "And he started it!"  
  
"I don't care who started it! He's my UNCLE for god's sake!" Lara was hysterical.  
  
Hermione sat up straight, looking at Lara in the face, "I did not do anything to your Uncle. If you should be blaming anyone, for anything that happened in that hallway, it is your Uncle Severus."  
  
Lara waved her away, turning on her heel, and striding from the room.  
  
"Well…that well went well." Harry spoke after a moment, "What do you all say, we get on our way to our next class, eh?"  
  
  
  
__  
  
Snape sat at his desk, with his head down. What had happened in that hallway had been completely uncalled for! He was her potions master! What had he been thinking?! He was out of control! It was his entire fault of course! He'd taken the risk of kissing her when he'd asked her out into that hallway, just to two of them. Sure, he'd gone out there wanted to reprimand her for everything she'd said to him, but also the urge to…to throw her down on the floor, and do unspeakable, no! Unthinkable things to her! And what had he done? He'd spoken to her calmly, and then ravished her! He was insane!  
  
Oh, maybe he was being a bit hard on himself." He looked up, out his window, where there was snow outside. Yes, we was being to utterly hard on himself. Of course that was it.  
  
He sighed, and sat up straight in his chair. The rest of the potion classes could wait…He had a fairly large 'problem' that just couldn't wait.  
  
__  
  
Hermione sat down in the library, that Vampire Chronicle on he table in front of her, on the table. She was completely drained. First she'd yelled at Professor Snape, then she'd gone out into a hallway with him, and then she'd SNOGGED with him?! What was WRONG with her?! She sighed, flipping the book open, and letting herself be dragged inside of the book, letting Mr. Severus Snape drift from her mind.  
  
__  
  
Ron, and Harry stood outside of Hagrid's hut, shivering for Care of Magical Creature's class. Ron was particularly happy as Lara snuggled up to him for warmth, flirting with him further, as Harry became more and more annoyed with them both. They'd been flirting non-stop since breakfast, and when she wasn't around, Ron moped, wanted to see her. Of course, Harry knew that the pathetic creature he called a best friend had a crush on Lara, but so did Harry! And what was wrong with Lara anyway? Picking Ron, over he? Harry Potter? Was she insane? He didn't want to date an insane girl…then again, he thought, He didn't want to date her. He just wanted to snog with her.  
  
"Well, 'ur early." Hagrid's voice rang out, over the cold, "Now why's that?"  
  
"Snape left us, so we figured we'd come down here a little early." Harry shivered.  
  
"Good riddance." Malfoy shook his head, "Anyone who snogs with a mudblood should confined to his office." Malfoy was particularly bitter.  
  
"'Eh!" Hagrid yelled, "I want none of that talk!"  
  
"Fine." Malfoy rolled his eyes, "Professor Snape was snogging with that MUGGLE Hermione Granger…"  
  
Hagrid's eyes got large.  
  
"We said the same thing." Harry smiled.  
  
Beside him, Lara was snuggled into the folds of Ron's large jacket, which was worn leather, one of Charlie's, which he didn't wear anymore. She giggled, as Ron pinched her butt, underneath it all, and slipped his hand into her belt loops on her robes, pulling her closer to him.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes at them, and turned to Hagrid, "What are we starting today, Hagrid?"  
  
"Ah, well…"  
  
__  
  
Hermione was startled as someone sat down next to her, she being almost finished with her book. She looked up into the face of Severus Snape.  
  
"Oh. It's you." She looked back down.  
  
"Yes. Its me." He nodded, "We need to talk."  
  
"About what?" She looked back down at the book.  
  
"Earlier." He whispered, "Will you come down to my office?"  
  
"I think we're fine right here…where we're not alone."  
  
"I figured you'd think that." He looked down at his hands, "Listen, when we…kissed-"  
  
"Snogged." Hermione cut in.  
  
"When we snogged, I felt…something…"  
  
"So did I, and I prefer NOT to think about it." She turned her head.  
  
Snape's mouth tugged into a small smile. "Sorry. I can't control it if you …turn me on. But that's not what I'm talking about."  
  
"Oh? Really? What was it you're talking about then?"  
  
Something down in my stomach…" He shrugged, and he leaned forward to whisper, "I think I like you, Hermione."  
  
"Is someone paying you to make a fool out of me?" Hermione turned to look at him, but as to he was so close, he was able to shut her up, by pressing his lips to hers.  
  
As he pulled away, she ran her tongue self-consciously over her lips, "I wish you wouldn't do that…at least…not here."  
  
"So you do like it?" He asked.  
  
"Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't." She sighed, closing her book, "Professor-"  
  
"Severus…I think we're at least on a first name basis after that."  
  
"Severus," She tried it out, "I don't think that this is…appropriate."  
  
"I'll take points from Gryffindor." He whispered.  
  
"Oh! Well…I guess then…first kissing, what's next?" She stared up at him.  
  
He smiled evilly at her. 


	4. Chapter Five: I forbid You! And more SNa...

A/n: hehehehehe…I am So evil! Aren't I? I mean only me (and a few other loonies) could come up with Snape/Hermione…hehehehehe…Sorry 'bout all that.  
  
  
  
Chapter five.  
  
It was much later, as Ron and Lara where crushed against each other, snogging wildly in a broom closet, Lara wrapped with Ron in his leather jacket, that she mentioned anything about Hermione, and Snape.  
  
"Ron?" She questioned him between kisses, "Do you suppose there is something going on between Hermione, and Uncle Snape?"  
  
"No offence to Snape of course, but no Lara. I don't think Hermione would get mixed up with the likes of him."  
  
"What does that mean?" Lara looked up at him, teasingly.  
  
"I mean," he pinched her rear, "That Hermione wouldn't ever date, much less willingly kiss a Hogwarts Professor."  
  
"To much at stake, I presume?" She questioned.  
  
"Exactly." He nodded, and she shrugged.  
  
"Oh…oh well."  
  
Meanwhile, just then the dinner bell rang, and as they opened the closet door, slinking out blending into the crowed, Harry Potter growled bitterly to himself. It wasn't fair that Ron got the girl of his dreams! Girls weren't supposed to be interested in RON! That was HIS job! Ron was his faithful side kick, of who he would occasionally let snog with his girlfriend of the time… Of course, it was reason for Harry to break up with her usually, but at least Ron got a little something out of the deal…Harry shrugged.  
  
Anyway, as he sat down next to Ron, who hadn't get noticed that Hermione wasn't at the table, he broke right out, and spoke.  
  
"Ron, I don't want you seeing Lara."  
  
Ron looked at him, surprised, "What?"  
  
"I don't want you seeing Lara anymore."  
  
"Well, it's a tad bit late for that, pal." Ron shook his head, diving into his food.  
  
Harry looked down at his plate, "Ron…I forbid you to see her!"  
  
"You what? Blimey! Have you lost your mind?"  
  
"No…I'm saving you."  
  
"From what? She's a girl…I think I can handle it, Harry."  
  
Harry sighed, "Hermione's here. I wonder where she is."  
  
Ron snorted into his mashed potatoes, and Harry glared at him.  
  
"Well, it's not my fault I actually care about the girl! She is our best friend you know!"  
  
"I'm sure Professor Snape is taking good care of our Hermione." He nodded up towards the head table, "Snape's not here either."…  
  
  
  
Hermione's eyes rolled back in her head, and Snape's mouth began slow torcher along her neck, and across her shoulders. Of course, she'd had to say something about "First snogging…what next?", so naturally, Snape had taken it at an invite for sex…something Hermione knew he would do, but had said anyway; the assault posing quite enjoyable, even though they'd been at it for over an hour now.  
  
"Severus, dear…" She put her hands on his shoulders, "Don't you think we ought to be getting to dinner?"  
  
"Dinner?" He moaned, as if not knowing the word, "All I want is right here…" He nipped at the lesser amount of flesh at her collar bone, and flirting with her.  
  
"Yes, but really, how long do you expect we'll be at this? I think we should at least go down and get SOMETHING, Severus."  
  
"Say that again…" He moaned deeper this time.  
  
"I think we should-"  
  
"No, no, no…The part where you said my name."  
  
"Severus…"  
  
"Now say it properly, with a Professor…" He pressed his 'How's your father?' against her stomach, leaning up on his hands, to look at her, he being fairly much taller then her.  
  
"Professor Snape…"  
  
"No, no, no…Professor Sever-"  
  
"Professor Severus Snape…" she made a popping sound on the P in Snape, and lavishly pulled him down, letting her tongue do the talking for her. 


	5. Chapter Six -No more Harry! Yay!!

Chapter Six  
  
  
  
Harry sat, later that evening in the dormitory, Ron off snogging with Lara, and Hermione off with Snape, doing only god knew what. Something he didn't really want to think about. Everyone else was down in the common room, partying like usual, as if they had nothing better to do but dance, and drink. And yes, they drank.  
  
He fiddled with a knife, carelessly left there by one of the houselves; who'd been up earlier to tidy the room. Needless to say, it was only a butter knife; someone of Harry's mind capability could do himself a lot of damage! Anyway, making this as short, and painless as possible, without really thinking about it, Harry flipped the knife over, and it suddenly plunged into his wrist. He might have been able to be saved, even if the main vein/artery thing had been cut, but no one heard him scream, there for he died of blood loss.  
  
Meanwhile (just so I can drag this on for a few more chapters, now that I have no Harry Potter to deal with), Ron, and Lara where sitting in the yard, on the dock near the lake, snogging…like usual.  
  
"Ron." Lara mused, "Do you figure we should go and see Hermione, and Snape?"  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Well, I mean…shouldn't we…do something about all this?"  
  
"No." Ron shook his head, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, pushing her back onto the dock, only to have Lara lean upwards again.  
  
"You know, maybe your right. My uncle is a grown man! He can take care of himself! He doesn't need a fifteen year old to take care of him…Oh! Yes he does!" She sighed, burring her face into her hands.  
  
"Now, now, Lara." Ron patted her on the back, "Don't talk like that. Your uncle is a fine man! Sure, he's a bit old, but Hermione likes him well enough. She can take care of him. After all, she's the one-"  
  
Lara began to weep.  
  
"Oh gosh…" Ron sighed, "We're not going to snog again anytime soon, are we?"  
  
Lara, still weeping, shook her head no, "I need someone to talk to…"  
  
"Shall I go get one of the girls, or-"  
  
"No! I want to talk to you! Gosh Ron! We've established a relationship now! I think the least you could do is talk to me!" Lara peered at him through tears.  
  
" Oh, well I just assumed-"  
  
"That's the problem with you men; you only think of yourselves!" She cried into the palms of her hands, "That's not all you PIGS do! Your constantly needing us to-"  
  
Ron chose then to tune the moody girl out. She must have the painters in, or something. She wasn't like that the day before…the day before had been lovely.  
  
Just then, her remembered a particularily tasty looking Hufflepuff he'd seen earlier…Mmm…He could use a new snogging partner…after all, if all Lara was going to do was-  
  
"Ron! Ron! Are you listening to me! Gosh! That's another thing you men do! Once we women folk start talking about something that doesn't remotely interest you, you tune us out, and start thinking about…playboy or something!"  
  
"Mm? What dearest?" Ron looked at her, "I was just…ah…thinking about this lovely bouquet I was going to buy you…absolutely beautiful!" He lied.  
  
"Oh! Really?" She tilted her head to look at him, "Lets snog."  
  
"Okay!" Ron shrugged, and allowed Lara to push him back onto the dock.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile…Hermione, and Snape where laying in a heap on the floor, their clothes off in another corner.  
  
"That was…" Hermione tried to find words for the extreme wave of…well…she couldn't find words (mainly because I can't).  
  
"Wonderful? Exquisite? Or was it…rough? Hurried? Perhaps even painful?" Snape tried to find her words for her.  
  
"No…" Hermione shrugged, "I guess it was…nice."  
  
"Nice?" Snape asked, "We just got done doing unspeakables, and your saying it was NICE?"  
  
Hermione nodded, smiling slightly at him; Snape wrinkled his nose at her, while standing.  
  
"Get out of my room, you weirdo!" He tugged a robe over his head, before realizing it was Hermione's…"Whoops."  
  
Hermione giggled, as Snape tossed the robe to her, and pulled his rightful robe over his head.  
  
"So, out Miss Granger…now." He pulled her up from the floor, and pushed her towards the door, as she pulled her robe over her head.  
  
"Oh, Severus, you don't Mean that…" She cooed, turning, and pushing him back to the bed, "Now lets do it RIGHT this time…" 


	6. Chapter Seven- The final insanity. Wrong...

Chapter 6  
  
Ron was mildly surprised when he saw his best friend, Harry walking down the hallway, later.  
  
"Hey Harry, I thought you where dead! You'd stabbed yourself with a butter knife!" Ron was confused.  
  
"Naw..." Harry shook his head, "Although, I have the weirdest desire to snog with you, I'm fine."  
  
"Oh...cool." Ron nodded, "So...wanna snog?" He asked.  
  
"Sure." Harry shrugged, and they fell against each other, letting their lips meet.  
  
Meanwhile, Hermione, and Snape had finally broken apart, and Hermione was going over the last few hours in her mind.  
  
"You know Severus, that was great and everything...but if you really want to know, I think I'm a lesbian." She didn't turn to look at him.  
  
"What?!" Severus asked, leaning up on one elbow, "You can't!"  
  
"Well, actually, when I saw your niece when she first came, I mean the first thing I thought was, Oh my god! Is she hot!" Hermione turned to him, "No hard feelings?"  
  
"I-I guess not..." He shrugged, "But what about me!"  
  
"Well...there's always Remus..." She shrugged, "I gotta go find Lara. See you later, Sevie."  
  
Severus stared after her, as she pulled on some random clothes, "But I'm not gay!"  
  
She paused to look at him, "Oh, that's what they all say, dear."  
  
Then, Lara was leaning outside of Snape's bedroom, waiting for him to come out, not surprised when Hermione came out.  
  
"Hey Lara." She said breezily, "Do you wanna snog?"  
  
Lara looked at her confused, "What?"  
  
"Oh, well I've decided that guys just can't satisfy me the way chicks can, ya know? So are you up to it?" She asked, pulling her unruly hair back into a pony-tail.  
  
"Are you sure the author doesn't have a problem with this?"  
  
"Ah...yea. Sure...can we go...make or something?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Sure." Lara shrugged.  
  
So, as you see as Harry and Ron explored each other, as Harry's life was returned to him by the mysterious chick named "the Author", they remain together until Draco Malfoy stole both their attentions, and started a three some.  
  
Lara and Hermione soon grew tired of the other, and Hermione tried to return to Snape, only to find that he'd taken up pleasures with "the Author", which caused her to jump off of the Grand Canyon on summer holiday. Lara, taking a liking to her new aunt had no problem, and joined with Ron, Harry and Draco, much to the disturbance of Ron, who really was getting quite sick of the girl. Alas, Harry, once again killed himself, because `The Author" was sick of being nice to him, and he also jumped off the Grand Canyon. Ron, and Draco however got married and started a Drag bar on the edge of Hogsmead, where Neville and Percy where regulars. Lara hired herself as a bartender.  
  
The Author sincerely hoped you like this insane array of her insanity, and plans to try and take the first chapter, which was actually quite good, and maybe make a serious story out of it.  
  
~The Author 


End file.
